First paragraph, second sentence, shouldn't "today?s" be "todays" - without the '. "Today's" is a contraction of "today is". But, when writing a professional paper, the author should never use contractions or abbreviations. So even is "today's" is correct, spell it out - "today is".
"Mark Twain?s quote" - once again, is the "s" and the ' correct? Shouldn't it be "Mark Twains' quote is especially" with the ' after the s to show ownership.
Besides that, I do not see where the paper follows the typical 5 paragraph college essay layout.
First paragraph - opening and introduction - briefly touch on the topics of the essay and a closing sentence for the opening paragraph.
Second paragraph - first topic discussed in detail
Third paragraph - second topic discussed in detail
Fourth paragraph - third topic discussed in detail
Fifth paragraph - closing.
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Second paragraph - "work the ref." In a professional letter or essay, do not use contractions.
Try not to use the same word twice in the same sentence. In this example you have used the word "and" 3 times.
In this example, you have used the word "attacked" 3 times. Rewrite the sentence so that "attacked" is used no more then twice, but preferably only once.
Example - Obama's family, his pastor and everyone he has ever known have been attacked. The last "has" (known has been attacked) was replaced with a "have" to do away with duplicate words.
Overall, your essay is 5 pages of loosely disorganized content.
Get all of the sentences on religion and put them into one paragraph.
Get all of the sentences on terrorism and put them into one paragraph.
Go back to the opening paragraph and point out the topics that will be discussed in the essay.
See I knew people from Texas were edjucated like myslef.
04-17-2009, 02:29 AM
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