The ideal situation would be that I could just pull the news and comments from a DB, and display the text in the format I currently have it. I don't think that's necessarily possible, though, unless there's a way to select the most recent threads in order from a forum, and then break down each thread into posts, display the first post as the news post, and the replies as comments. That would be easiest, and a dream come true if possible. Aside from that, I'm stumped, so if anyone else can lend a hand I'd really appreciate it.
Thats entirely possible but whether someone will lend you a hand I don't know. You may want to look at hiring someone to do it for you if you don't have any knowledge to undertake the task yourself.