Question for English Buffs

[Aken]

I suppose that'd be more up to the professor of the class than the English language itself

It usually depends on the assignment and the writing style the professor is looking for specifically. While there are many great ways to spruce up a boring old essay (and I'd say that's pretty creative - good job ), they may not always be what is expected, and could just fall upon deaf ears.

Scrutinize carefully the assignment, or talk to your professor/TA. I'm sure they'll be happy to provide their opinion.