Jokes

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[AusPhotography]

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A friend of mine works in a camera store. The other day a very
confused looking woman approached the counter and handed my friend
a camera. She said "I took pictures, but I forgot to have film in
the camera. Can you please get them out of the camera for me?"

______________

One day I was working in the darkroom with my girlfriend. Things
started out negative but soon I was enlarging. As it started to
develop, I told her we should stop before we got into a fix, but
she said it would all come out in the wash.
The Black & White photo process summarized...
why, what were you thinking?

______________

How to Photograph a New Puppy

1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Take flash cube from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy’s nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy’s attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, “No, outside! No, outside!”
17. Clean up mess.
18. Fix a drink.
19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy “sit” and “stay” the first thing in the morning.

[JacquiiDesigns]

Originally Posted by ShawneyJ

they are cool, good job

How to tell if your bum smells!

Oh good gawd! Stinky stinky o.O

[ForceHSS]

Four men got together at a reunion. Three of them had sons and they started bragging about them, while the fourth guy went to the can to take a shit.

The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owned a factory, manufacturing furniture. Just the other day he gave his best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.

The second man said his son was doing just as well. He was a manager at a car sales firm. Just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

The third man said his was doing well too. He was a manager at a bank. Just the other day he gave his best friend the money to buy a house.

The fourth man came back, and the other three told him they were just talking about how successful their sons are. He just shook his head and said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much. But he must be doing something right because just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!

[ForceHSS]

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk To ask what it was.

The clerk said, Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold."

"Wow, said the blonde, "That's amazing.... I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day..

Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he asked?

"Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things Cold," she replied.

Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"

The blond replied..... ..."Two Popsicles and some coffee."