Simple stats on non-VB page

[JohnK]

I am looking for a way to show the number of members and total posts on a non-VB php page.

I have looked at various hacks here, but none seem to do this (or if they do it's in with a whole bunch of other stuff!).

Ideally I would just like to be able to easily include the values so that I can have some text that simply says "In the forums we have xxxxx registered members who have posted xxxxxx messages".

Any help would be appreciated!

Thanks
John