How to update VB template using product xml file?

[vbboarder]

I'm writing a product xml file and want to update a default VB template with the one I've included in the xml file. If I just give my template the same name as the VB template, then my template will become the default and the VB template will be deleted. How do you prevent the VB template from being deleted?
Also, how do you prevent the new template from being the active one without the user's confirmation (similar to when you update VB and the updated templates are saved but not set to active if the old template has been modified)? Much appreciated for any help