True or False - We always hear "the rules" from the female side. But now....

[PixelFx]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

(disclaimer if for women, 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. )

These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down. And when I stumble
into the bathroom at night, I am thoughtful enough to check
and make sure the seat is in the up position before I take a leak,
so you don't have to sit on urine spatter. If you insist on the seat
being returned to the down position, I insist on both of us
never leaving the toilet without also closing the lid.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is
that married women always cut their hair.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints Do Not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us
frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Check your oil! Please!!!.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. (I get asked this a lot, I just smile, no honey you look great... accually she is really hot but still, how many of you guys get asked this?)

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like the Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to - expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, fishing, or
monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. NO! No, you really do have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
And, no, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. See below:

Exhibit A:
http://www.pixelfx.ca/core/imgs/84shopping.jpg

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I've come to find that the female rule book, is very thick, and when you open it, is filled with blank pages, however, my other half swears that the book is really full of rules and I must obey to them letter or get a "pouty face" see rule 1. Crying is blackmail. ... and they are so good at it.

Comments welcome, (please note, you can add to the list.)