Personalising the "logged in" parts

[Dan!]

I wish to personalise my "logged in" parts, but have no clue how to..

When I say logged in parts, i mean like vB.org has

Welcome, Dan!. You have 0 unread messages; Total 7.
You last visited: Yesterday at 20:41; You Have 4,614 Unread Posts.

and I want mine to be personlised like the following..

Welcome back, USERNAME

Your last login was at, TIME on DATE
You currently have:

• 0 Unread Private Messages
• 3 New Profile Comments

If anyone could do this for me, or tell me how to do it, then id be very grateful!
Cheers,
Dan!

--------------- Added [DATE]1255532201[/DATE] at [TIME]1255532201[/TIME] ---------------

i will happily donate some paypal money to you if you're able to do this!