It is possible that one of the hacks/plugins/extentions you are using is causing the issue related to the server crash, though disabling and checking back and forth is really the only method you can take.
While it may be a pain to have them disabled, given, if you are running a clean installation with nothing enabled and 20 users online are still causing the crash, then it's obvious the server isn't as powerful as stated and probably cannot handle the load.
If that is the case, it's time to look elsewhere as 20 users online shouldn't be an issue for a shared environment.
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