Well, I tried
https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?t=83247 but I couldn't get it working for non-VB pages (outside the forum directory).
Also, I'm not really interested in displaying what non-VB page they're in -- it can say Index or Unknown. That's fine. But I don't even see the total user count go up when I include the global.php .. Am I missing something still?