Crap. v.v;
I was doing everything you specified, NTLDR, and thank you for the attempt at trying.

I redid everything just in case, making 100% sure that I was following the process correctly.. and sure enough I was, with the same noshow.
However - out of sheer curiosity, I put an
echo ""; above the redirect just to even verify it was getting thus far. [See below]:
PHP Code:
echo "... crap.";
eval(print_standard_redirect('redirect_testing'));
And it showed!
.. but taking the
echo ""; out, it didn't show anymore.

Either it's flying so fast past it in the code that I don't have time to load it in the browser at all.. or it's just not registering the function.. or something. x.x But the echo surely wouldn't make that much of a difference as to whether or not it was working.
I'm not losing my mind, am I?