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Maybe I missed this, but can this send BOTH a PM and an email?
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yep it can..
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Also, is there ANY possible way to add the age IF it is given, like "congratulations on your 35th birthday" and just "congratulations on your birthday" if nothing is there?
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you can use hack variable $birthday_children[yas] to refer his age in your templates. If no year given it will be "-"..
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Thirdly (sorry for so many questions), my index.php page is hit about 400,000 times a month (I have a big site), and my load is always 'pressured' during peak times -- will this create an excess load for this?
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Nope it wont.. Please check thread, already discussed in detail..
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Lastly, you mentioned that you can have it create a birthday thread -- is that a thread for each person who is having a birthday, or each day's birthdays? (Some of our days have over 40 birthday's on it!)
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Will create 1 thread daily including all birthdays in this thread..