Thank you for the more positive of the comments and I do own a 1978 Corvette with 7,500 miles on it. No parts required.
Actually, what I'm looking for is a means of purging posts after a specified time limit. I won't go into what the posts are for fear of radicalized comments. This one would have worked except not on 3.8.9
https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?t=275314
The other thing is the need to come up to speed for the smart phone / iphone users on my site. I own a copy of vBulletin Mobile Suite, but it might be overkill. I installed a style to try:
https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?t=263822 but it's too light. No Google ads and no attachment uploading.
Hacks at work here are: Event Attendance, FlashChat, Miserable Users (enough of those out there!), Mobile Device Detection, vBGallery, Post Thank You and Post Groan, Prevent Double Posts, vBCode Table, etc.
It's been a long vB ride since 2004 and my boards started in 1996 with WebBBS so I've been around and through several servers.