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ozzy, I'm not incompetent.

They had an option listed that supposedly worked for lighttpd--it didn't.

They said they support nginx starting with 5.0.4, so I tried nginx and they couldn't help.

I switched to Apache--again, no help.

The site works fine except for AJAX requests, which return 500 errors. They won't support PHP 5.5, apparently.

Robert, did they issue you a refund?

X vBulletin 3.8.12 by vBS Debug Information
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Messages:

X vBulletin 3.8.12 by vBS Debug Information

Page Generation 0.01013 seconds
Memory Usage 1,754KB
Queries Executed 11 (?)

More Information

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(1)SHOWTHREAD_SHOWPOST
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Messages:

X vBulletin 3.8.12 by vBS Debug Information
Page Generation 0.01013 seconds Memory Usage 1,754KB Queries Executed 11 (?)
More Information
Template Usage: (1)SHOWTHREAD_SHOWPOST (1)ad_footer_end (1)ad_footer_start (1)ad_header_end (1)ad_header_logo (1)ad_navbar_below (1)footer (1)gobutton (1)header (1)headinclude (6)option (1)post_thanks_box (1)post_thanks_button (1)post_thanks_javascript (1)post_thanks_navbar_search (1)post_thanks_postbit_info (1)postbit (1)postbit_onlinestatus (1)postbit_wrapper (1)spacer_close (1)spacer_open Phrase Groups Available: global postbit reputationlevel showthread	Included Files: ./showpost.php ./global.php ./includes/init.php ./includes/class_core.php ./includes/config.php ./includes/functions.php ./includes/class_hook.php ./includes/modsystem_functions.php ./includes/functions_bigthree.php ./includes/class_postbit.php ./includes/class_bbcode.php ./includes/functions_reputation.php ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php Hooks Called: init_startup init_startup_session_setup_start init_startup_session_setup_complete cache_permissions fetch_postinfo_query fetch_postinfo fetch_threadinfo_query fetch_threadinfo fetch_foruminfo style_fetch cache_templates global_start parse_templates global_setup_complete showpost_start bbcode_fetch_tags bbcode_create postbit_factory showpost_post postbit_display_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end fetch_musername postbit_imicons bbcode_parse_start bbcode_parse_complete_precache bbcode_parse_complete postbit_display_complete post_thanks_function_can_thank_this_post_start showpost_complete
Messages: