It looks like there's an id for the text, then a different id for the message (one for each recipient). I assume you're talking about the second one (pmid in the pm table)? I'm not sure why parentid doesn't work for replys, but if you use hook location pmdata_postsave_recipient it gets called once per recipient, and you can call $this->dbobject->insert_id() to get the pmid.
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