their was an error in my upgrade.. i dont need to talk to my host i know its possible to upgrade..
i think i may need to restore my database then try again..
upgrading upgrades my database correct? so mybe my database is upgraded to 4.0.3.
which would be why my site is being displayed as 4.0.3?
so if i restore the data base.. clear all the files from the directory then upload the 4.0.3 files..
remove install.php and config.php then add the old config.php..
i should see the upgrade.php screen again.. correct?
--------------- Added [DATE]1273781203[/DATE] at [TIME]1273781203[/TIME] ---------------
NOTICE: i have successfully upgraded to 4.0.3
yay! 
i just removed everything from the file directory and started again and it worked!