Ethan - my hat is off to ya! I will be moving this into production today.
Here are some additional notes for the optional template section - changing the column header and the wording of the redirect screen.
in forumdisplay/forumdisplay_forumslist and
Forumhome/forumhome
Replace Moderator with Functions (or whatever tag you choose)
in redirection/redirect_markread
Replace with:
The forum(s) you have selected have been marked as read and the new post indicators will now be off.