Hey, I also run a gaming website, and have thought of similar problems. But, having said that, I think you are being a bit too hard on yourself. Gaming websites are different than other websites, they are more exponential than other types, (I have ran more than one website and can attest) because friends pull each other more in gaming forums. You have over 400 members. At the time that I visited you had about 20 something people on at one time. That is really good, and those of us that just started WISH we had that much. But good things come to those that wait. I would trash the shoutbox as its too intensive on the servers, and it encourages a lack of posts.
You can check out my community at
http://www.madcastgamging.com.