1- there is no "protocol" for members registration... your webmaster is not always the admin of the server, and you can't apply a userid for your members, they will receive one when they register... so if your moderator is registering later, he can't have #2...

2- it all depend on tastes... pre-made skins are for me the fast-food for web-design... if you are a designer and pay a "skin for designer website" on templatemonster, you are very far from your goal... same for the forum... you can have a flowered skin and be something else than a gardener... you may want to change the color to look like a Hell-Angel of Flowers!

3- Ask them...

4- it is surely pretty stupid to call that stupid. if a group of persons want to be sure the viewers are familiar or friends, they can't let the forum open... if as an example you have a parenting forum where people are chatting in semi-private topics like pregnancy and fertility, do you really think they will want to let the whole world know about their TTC ?! please try to respect everybody's choice and stop giving your opinion on about everything...