Total Post Count... Realtime
 

I'm looking for a realtime post counter that i can put on my home page that turns numbers or changes numbers for the total amount of posts on my entire board, as their posting.

I want to watch it count.

You could do that by parsing a query every sevrel seconds(still not real time)...
Other thing which might be better is to calculate the posts pre minute basis and have a JS script incrementing by that....

To be honest with you it wont give you much.

i think i need a vocabulary lesson on parsing and query, i've read on here and see it mentioned quite alot.

A query is actually a different word for question. Queries are also database commands.
A MySQL query would for example be:
[sql]SELECT * FROM user WHERE userid = 1[/sql]

Here's the definition for parse: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=parse
Nr. 4 would be used mostly here: