My wife......
 

I had to remove this....

Women come and women go brother, if you find yourself questioning if she is 'the one' then she probbly is'nt. My advice is do whatever makes you feel good, if that involes moving into your own place then so be it.

I tend to agree with Brad. I have been married for 19 yrs and my wife supports me in all I do as do I with her. Yes she thinks I spend way to much time online too.. But she knows to "pick her battles". :)

Your wife is not use to the idea of you spending more time with another.
Can you blame her? Do you have kids?

If so, you should learn how to manage your time -- without family you have nothing.

I have to agree with this. I am guilty of spending way too much time in front of a computer, I work on networks all day and at night I go home and play with my site. I would never expect a woman to deal with that, it just wouldn't be fair. At the moment it's a choice I make but when I do choose to get involved I know that will have to change.

Perhaps you can explain this to her as your hobby, which in a sense it is. If your meeting all your life obligations then this shouldn't be a problem unless she feels ignored in some way. Perhaps you can talk to her and come up witih an acceptable amount of 'online' time. Compromise is part of being married.

BRAD.LOO ...You're not right!!

I go through this with my wife in spurts. Funny thing IS, the other day we got into it, and the site I was working on was the family website which SHE 's been pressuring me to finnish.

Marriage is a commitment. It is the ultimate challenge that day when you decide to share your life with some it's through thick and thin.

That whole crap about "realizing that she may not be the one"...that is total BS.....those "realizations" you make before you get married.

Get off the computer for a bit, give her some of your time. DUDE, she is competing for your time with a machine and with all the people you inetract with on line.

I'm talking from experience here. I was a hard core gamer and when I wasn't playing, I was "helping" people with their websites and coding things for people. You know how many of those people I still chat with??? 2....out of like 160 people I had on my MSN.

Make some time for her. Make ALOT of time for her. Women need attention.

The worst advice you can take is "move one" or "leave", cause then you're just gonna be a coward who couldn't handle real life....

Sometimes you need to get a little tough with her and tell her you're gonna need some alone time with your PC...so be it....but KNOW that no matter what, the computer and all of us Net freaks and coding and gaming and the websites and all will still be here when you turn the computer back on.

I have to agree with Brad.

Improving yourself is the most important thing in life. Women come and go, but what you achiev for yourself, by doing studies, is something which will stay till the very end.

So either your wife accepts that and letting you study, or she really might be the wrong person on your side.

I'd agree here but there its going to be hard for a wife to understand that your spending so much time learning php because you want to make the l33t hacks for vb.org people. If you were attending a school or spending that time online to study for classes, I am sure your wife would be more understable. For better or worse you are married and as liberal as I am, I am kind of shocked ot see so many people just say move on and find someone else.

Beleive me... her attitude will change (as did my wife's) when the checks started coming in and I was paying bills with just website money.

Dont listen to these people with such a synical outlook on life. You pledged to stay with this woman that you love till death do you part. Not the internet.... Bottom line is the irony here; is that you're doing this for her!! You're trying to make money so you can both be happy. So why would you leave her now?

Don't try to put this all on her. That's a cop out. You have some responsibility too. I know its hard to learn all this stuff but YOU... HAVE TO manage your time better.

Include her in what you do.
Explain to her your plan for world domination.
Show her how step A leads to step B.

THEN.... when you get that first check (that you really should reinvest in your business) no matter how small; spend it all on her. Then tell her this si what you've been trying to accomplish and there's more where that came from if she'll just try to understand.

I agree with Jugo wha whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

There has to be a middle ground. I am an utter computer junkie as well, but dishes still have to be washed. Kids have to be played with and the lawn has to be mowed. Life is about balance.

It's so easy for me to get sucked into a coding project for hours at a time. I find it very difficult to work on code at home in short bursts - which is why I'm not really working on my hacks right now. I can't justify the large blocks of time that I need to get into it. (plus my family killed off their computer and hover around mine while I'm trying to work. Nothing kills concentration like a husband begging you to check his kings of chaos gold every hour :( )

Yes, learning skills is important. But, so is family. Make sure you are doing your share of the mundane stuff and that you are giving your family some time as well. Be reasonable with your computer time. It's a real time-suck if you're not careful. If your wife won't let you get ANY time for your studies, then lock yourself in your office for an hour a day. Otherwise, stop making her be your parent. Moderate the time you spend avoiding other responsibilities and step away from the computer :)

Amy

yes you are learning and doing important works for your website or what ever but are neglecting her? it may seem important to you but not her. try to manage your time by cutting back on the computer and do more with her. this will create a peaceful atmosphere. also explain what you do in a simple sense. my mom bugs me about the computer but not as much anymore as i explain what i do and reexplain till she does. she learns things from me and i proud of the work i do.

you got married for a reason, maybe you're neglecting your wife for personal glory where as you're motives should be for the both of you, such is the rule of marriage, that's why we do it, if your wife and life is no longer enough for you then you shoudln't have got married but if that's not the case you need to work at it until things are better.

btw learning php sucks, so your best bet would be to make stuff with php as you learn, like i.e. i want to make {this} so i'll learn {this}, the best methods i've found are rather simple books, which enable you to have a relationship and learn at the same time.

a computer can give you accomplishment but it won't keep you warm at night, though saying that theirs plenty of sites to find many women to keep you warm, but they won't love you and fi you end up with a geek and she's better than you then she'll lose her patience with you and crush your confidence, the coders life is a lonely one for most people.

gah maybe i should've read the thread properly first, i'm probably repeating loads of things.

How much time do you spend on the computer per day, when it interfers with you doing other stuff then there is a problem. If you don't really spend too much time on the computer or you are doing work on it then you might try something like a day where you take your wife out and do something. Take her to a nice dinner (not Denny's) and a movie.

"Women come and women go brother, if you find yourself questioning if she is 'the one' then she probbly is'nt" I don't think I have ever heard of something so untrue in my life. Relationships are not the easiest thing in the world, but it takes work to make them prosper. If you don't try your hardest and you let your woman go. You will regret it later.

Well, I'm wondering whether you're being realistic or not...

I totally understand learning, and working towards things, but are you really bringing in an income with it? Do you have a solid plan in place TO bring in an income? You might just be a slob... and that's not fair to her.

You can't just leave (shame on you people for telling him that... you must not be married or have kids), so you need to find a balance.

Here's my suggestion: if you aren't bringing in any income at all, then you need to start. I suggest you get a part time job doing something (anything), so you're bringing in some cash. Bag groceries or something. Then, you should schedule 4 to 6 hour "work" days, 5 days a week on your computer stuff. That means treating it like a job: you can ONLY work that long, and only 5 days a week. That leaves time or relationship maintenance/family time and school.

The final piece of the puzzle is that you need a plan. You have to stop talking about all your "valuable" skills, and start talking about how you're going to put them to work. Make a plan with deadlines and milestones to get from here, to making money on the web. Execute your plan within your "work days" of 4 to 6 hours a day, 5 days a week.

That means you'll have 8 to 10 hours work days, plus your classes, and you'll be bringing in money, while having a solid plan (that you'll STICK TO) to make money online. When you're making money online, quit your day job, and focus on computers full time.

I'd bet my ass your life will improve if you do all that... good luck.

Some very good suggestions here, just keep in mind that the PC is not going any place your ol' lady on the other can and will walk out on you. Not because of the PC because you are neglecting her.

and don't tell her every little detail that you do that gets old too. I hope everything works out.

There comes a time in everyones life as an internet-junkie where you have to just sit back and compromise and realise what's most important to you. You'd be plain silly to risk ruinining your marriage over spending too much time on the computer. Take a week, show her you love her, and talk about compromising. I mean unless you're earning a decent living full-time or part-time online, then you shouldn't be spending so much time online anyway ;)

I respectfully disagree with most of the comments posted.

If you have to rant it out here, on a forum, to us, instead of talking things through with your wife....I'd say you have a problem, and it isn't just your wife.

Kinks in relationships are seldom a one way thing.

But i'm sure if you know what it is you want, and what it is you hold dear to you, you'd make the sensible choice(s). All the best.

We don't know the full story and have only heard your side of it.

But I will always put family (including my wife) first before work or computer time. :) Maybe she feels you love your computer more than her. It may be time to reassure her that you still love her.

I was taught that family is the first priority, you can spend money to have the best PC in the world but not your sweetie.

Mixed feedback filter out the good.
I have been married for 12 yrs. w/4 children.

This is the ticket. Its easy for anyone to throw up bashing advice but in the end
"the end" if you faced your past you wouldn't want to be telling yourself those
famous lines "if only"

Balance is the only way.
You can't have it all but you can schedule a large order over time ;)

"Women come and women go"
If you are married and live by that rule you are not offering a loving relationship.

Balance and understanding its all up to you.

Women come and women go, but a woman who loves you for who you are including all your faults and baggage is one of a kind. :)

You people must have better luck with women then I do ;)

Nah... Erwin is just a rich pimp :p

Satan

What did I miss :(

Maybe his wife found that post and he got in trouble for it lol

If he removed it, i guess he thought enough people already know about it.

well its good to know that grow ups actaully do give advice that means something. or somethin I am lost.