View Full Version : True or False - We always hear "the rules" from the female side. But now....
PixelFx
05-18-2003, 10:05 PM
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
(disclaimer if for women, 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. )
These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down. And when I stumble
into the bathroom at night, I am thoughtful enough to check
and make sure the seat is in the up position before I take a leak,
so you don't have to sit on urine spatter. If you insist on the seat
being returned to the down position, I insist on both of us
never leaving the toilet without also closing the lid.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is
that married women always cut their hair.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints Do Not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us
frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?
1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Check your oil! Please!!!.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. (I get asked this a lot, I just smile, no honey you look great... accually she is really hot but still, how many of you guys get asked this?)
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like the Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to - expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, fishing, or
monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. NO! No, you really do have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
And, no, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. See below:
Exhibit A:
http://www.pixelfx.ca/core/imgs/84shopping.jpg
--
I've come to find that the female rule book, is very thick, and when you open it, is filled with blank pages, however, my other half swears that the book is really full of rules and I must obey to them letter ;) or get a "pouty face" see rule 1. Crying is blackmail. ... and they are so good at it.
Comments welcome, (please note, you can add to the list.)
Oh man, this is a great list, I think I'll print this out and hang it on my door :D
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
LMAO!! So SO true! Dude, I loved reading this!
Oh man, this is a great list, I think I'll print this out and hang it on my door
Good idea! *prints*
And that picture is hilarious! It reminds of every single girl I have ever met :p
MGM out
Chris M
05-19-2003, 08:35 AM
So true:)
Satan
Xenon
05-19-2003, 07:08 PM
already knew that, but it's so true....
Boofo
05-19-2003, 07:12 PM
When you're married, none of those rules apply. Trust me, I've tried it.
Xenon
05-19-2003, 07:22 PM
i won't marry ^^
shovel
05-19-2003, 07:37 PM
Same, we're too "übergeek". Lol.
Boofo
05-19-2003, 08:03 PM
Today at 03:22 PM Xenon said this in Post #7 (https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?postid=397314#post397314)
i won't marry ^^
Somebody's got to want you first. ;)
* Boofo gets ready to hear some whopper stories. ;)
Xenon
05-19-2003, 08:06 PM
as stated in my sig:
"The price of freedom is eternal vigilance" and marriage is the opposite of freedom, so nothing for me ;)
I so need to print this out now....
/me prints
Boofo
05-19-2003, 08:12 PM
Oh, you'll end up being a sucker like the rest of use one of these days. I said the same thing at your age. ;)
Only I lasted until I was 27. Will you make it? ;)
shovel
05-19-2003, 08:45 PM
I can try but I'm not making any promises.
Off Topic: Xenon, where in Bavaria are you located? I was in the outskirts of M?nchen near Augsburg not too long ago. :)
PixelFx
05-20-2003, 01:17 AM
lol, I'm at the engaged stage :P
however he acepts that I use the computer lots ;)
Xenon
05-20-2003, 09:04 AM
Bob: i'm like my father here, he is nearly 50 now and promised in my age he won't marry, and he never married.
Ok, i'll try to also don't get childs, but at least i'm sure i won't marry.
(Ok, maybe if it brings me an advantage in money aspects :))
@Shovel: I come from Bavarian Forest, about 100km north-east to M?nchen
Boofo
05-20-2003, 09:11 AM
Today at 05:04 AM Xenon said this in Post #15 (https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?postid=397596#post397596)
Bob: i'm like my father here, he is nearly 50 now and promised in my age he won't marry, and he never married.
Ok, i'll try to also don't get childs, but at least i'm sure i won't marry.
(Ok, maybe if it brings me an advantage in money aspects :))
Ahhh, you're weakening already. ;)
Xenon
05-20-2003, 09:17 AM
well i don't think it would happen, because money aspects advantages aren't that easy to happen, because women cost much money...
you know that thing called shoping ;)
Boofo
05-20-2003, 09:26 AM
Today at 05:17 AM Xenon said this in Post #17 (https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?postid=397604#post397604)
well i don't think it would happen, because money aspects advantages aren't that easy to happen, because women cost much money...
you know that thing called shoping ;)
I know exactly what you mean. I got lucky, though, this time around. She isn't into shopping as much as a lot of women are. She's more into doing and buying things for me than herself. I have to tell her no sometimes because she wants to do too much for me at times. She's definitely a keeper. ;)
PixelFx
05-20-2003, 09:32 AM
Mines a keep as well, however I feel for my twin, that woman is exspenive ;P
Boofo
05-20-2003, 09:34 AM
I had one of those once. Once! ;)
shovel
05-20-2003, 11:33 AM
Today at 06:04 AM Xenon said this in Post #15 (https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?postid=397596#post397596)
@Shovel: I come from Bavarian Forest, about 100km north-east to M?nchen
Great. The next time I'm there I try to get in touch with you. :)
Xenon
05-20-2003, 01:49 PM
:)
just tell me so i can make sure i'll be there :)
Talisman
05-20-2003, 07:28 PM
I know you all want to hear from the ladies on this, right? ;)
Boofo
05-20-2003, 07:44 PM
Today at 03:28 PM Talisman said this in Post #23 (https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?postid=397833#post397833)
I know you all want to hear from the ladies on this, right?
;)
Ok. Go ahead, Talisman. We're listening. ;)
Talisman
05-20-2003, 07:54 PM
Oh, I'm not so sure, Boofo. You may look like you're listening..... but we know that doesn't mean you really are.
How can we be sure? :cheeky:
Xenon
05-20-2003, 08:05 PM
if he is listening he won't anything except the cooler of his pc and maybe his harddrive :P
Talisman
05-20-2003, 08:10 PM
Yes, Xenon. And then there's his strange fixation with that mouse.... Very strange.
No wait! That was the turtle!
(Hmm. What an odd bunch we have here.)
Boofo
05-20-2003, 08:15 PM
That hurt Talisman. :cry: I'm a very good listener when someone has something important to say. (Now, what was that you said again? :p)
And Xenon - the answer to your question is:
1 - Stainless Steel with a window and neon light
2 - Silver (2 of them)
;)
Talisman
05-20-2003, 08:26 PM
That hurt Talisman. :cry....
Ohh no..... Don't cry, Boof. We're convinced. :surprised:
(Dontcha just hate it when a guy goes to pieces?)
:speechless: :rolleyes: :speechless:
Boofo
05-20-2003, 08:28 PM
You know, Talisman, if I wasn't afraid of you, I'd kick your ass! :p;)
Talisman
05-20-2003, 08:32 PM
Tsk, tsk, Boof. Having an emotional day, are you?
Boofo
05-20-2003, 08:36 PM
Today at 04:32 PM Talisman said this in Post #31 (https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?postid=397866#post397866)
Tsk, tsk, Boof. Having an emotional day, are you?
I was kidding. Come on. ;) I tell the wife that all of the time (kidding, of course). It makes her feel all powerful to think I would be afraid of her. ;)
Hey, have you guys noticed how windy it has been getting over here, lately?
Talisman
05-20-2003, 08:39 PM
Yeah.... but I bet it doesn't work with her, either.
Pfft.
Boofo
05-20-2003, 08:48 PM
Sure it does. You still don't get it, do you? What it means is (now think about this), It's easy to say you want to kick someone's butt when you are afraid of them, because you know you can't, you're afraid. I hope you're happy. The wife is in the background here ROFL. Now I'm probably gonna get my butt kicked. Thanks, Talisman! ;)
Talisman
05-20-2003, 08:58 PM
Mabye so, Boof. But you keep calling her "the wife" and she'll smack you in the back of the head, too.
Be sure you show her the attachment (https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/attachment.php?s=&postid=397833) I posted in #23 on the other page. Then let us know which book she wants to read.
"Tile Grouting Made Easy" ..... you think???
Boofo
05-20-2003, 09:08 PM
She likes being called "the wife" better than my special nickname for her. It's a long story and I'm not supposed to tell it. ;)
She saw that picture and loved it. You out to check out my site. I have some stuff on the differences between men and woman in the jokes section. Here's a link I think you might find interesting. ;)
http://www.bearfacts2.com/forum/showthread.php?action=showpost&postid=92
Talisman
05-21-2003, 01:45 AM
That's really funny, Boofo. (You're such a guy.) I'll go back and look around again when I have time.
BTW, I really liked your World Time page. Would you be willing to share that? I did a search for a hack like that here, but didn't find anything. Oops. Men vs. women stuff. (Almost forgot what thread we're in.) :ermm:
Okay Boofo, here's another one for your wife. And it's the reason women won't let men take messages.
Boofo
05-21-2003, 01:58 AM
LOL Can I add that one to my jokes forum? ;)
Here you go:
http://www.bearfacts2.com/forum/showthread.php?action=showpost&postid=976
Contact me PM and I will set you up with the World Times hack. O got it from here, though. ;)
Talisman
05-21-2003, 02:27 AM
Today at 07:58 PM Boofo said this in Post #39 (https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?postid=397962#post397962)
LOL Can I add that one to my jokes forum? ;)
By all means. It's a great one and, er.... Well, somehow, I think it suits you. ;)
If you want to poke around a little, you'll find a lot of men/women stuff and some cat/dog stuff in our "All in Fun (http://www.virtualcup.org/photopost/showgallery.php?cat=534&thumb=1)" photo gallery and our "Humour (http://www.virtualcup.org/vcup/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=55)" forum. (Note the spelling of "humour." That's to keep our Kiwis happy -- I just hate it when they get riled.) You'd have to register, but you're welcome to anything there that tickles you.
While I'm here... you guys think you're so smart. Maybe someone could give a little technical advice?
Looking for Cyber Sex
I had run across the term "cyber sex" a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel then I got out all the manuals and went through them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one.
So I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her, figuring she had been impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to be smart with everyone. She said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't help me and walked away. HUH, must not have had any in stock.
In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model of my computer and asked if they had any sex drives in stock. He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive. I thought about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed. He started laughing at me said something about me trying to kill him. "You're killing me!" Something like that and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to keep in stock I wasn't trying to kill him I wasn't even hurting him.
The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen off the turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it. "She's fallen off the wagon, that explains it," like that and walked away laughing.
The guy in the fourth store said something like, "boob" under his breath and walked away. Wonder why he only noticed one?
Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores maybe have to order from a catalog or something. So that's where I am now. If any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it then all I'd have to do is figure out what to do with it.
;)
Hobbes
05-21-2003, 02:48 AM
Today at 08:27 PM Talisman said this in Post #40 (https://vborg.vbsupport.ru/showthread.php?postid=397970#post397970)
By all means. It's a great one and, er.... Well, somehow, I think it suits you. ;)
If you want to poke around a little, you'll find a lot of men/women stuff and some cat/dog stuff in our "All in Fun (http://www.virtualcup.org/photopost/showgallery.php?cat=534&thumb=1)" photo gallery and our "Humour (http://www.virtualcup.org/vcup/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=55)" forum. (Note the spelling of "humour." That's to keep our Kiwis happy -- I just hate it when they get riled.) You'd have to register, but you're welcome to anything there that tickles you.
While I'm here... you guys think you're so smart. Maybe someone could give a little technical advice?
Looking for Cyber Sex
I had run across the term "cyber sex" a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel then I got out all the manuals and went through them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one.
So I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her, figuring she had been impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to be smart with everyone. She said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't help me and walked away. HUH, must not have had any in stock.
In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model of my computer and asked if they had any sex drives in stock. He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive. I thought about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed. He started laughing at me said something about me trying to kill him. "You're killing me!" Something like that and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to keep in stock I wasn't trying to kill him I wasn't even hurting him.
The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen off the turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it. "She's fallen off the wagon, that explains it," like that and walked away laughing.
The guy in the fourth store said something like, "boob" under his breath and walked away. Wonder why he only noticed one?
Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores maybe have to order from a catalog or something. So that's where I am now. If any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it then all I'd have to do is figure out what to do with it.
;)
LOL.......that list was so true...jeeze...lol....thats a keeper...:)
PixelFx
05-26-2003, 09:39 PM
Accually whats scary is there is a "sex drive" it was on a poster at the univercity as job, but in the small print said someone had accually made one. Fits in the 5 1/4" bay on your system, one for guys and one for girls. Apparently it's designed so those that are really desperate can have cyber sex with each other over the net.
The fact that someone would accually make something like this desturbs me.
wow this thread really went off topic, I was waiting for the women to post thier list of rules......
(keeps forgetting that it's a blank book, but some how magically has words only women can see and insist are true. *grombles*)
You know I've gotta vote no just to be a smart ass.
Erwin
05-27-2003, 01:44 AM
Stefan, when you find THE ONE, you will want to have her all to yourself... ;)
colicab-d
05-27-2003, 09:20 AM
wow just read this entire thread through.. what fun it was.
anyway..
1. Pink is not an attractive colour, nor is any object that is this colour, thus nothing should ever be pink as this is the male form of kryptonite
Xenon
05-27-2003, 09:47 AM
@Erwin: the one is not existant, i'm realistic in my life :)
Talisman
05-27-2003, 04:13 PM
Ohh, you guys sound so bummed over this now.
It's really quite simple, you know -- like anything else, all you have to do is read the manual ... follow the instructions ... and just don't void the warranty!!!
(Sound -- mumbles and groans from all around...)
Hmm? What's that?
Aw, c'mon fellas. You guys HAVE read the manual, haven't you? Don't tell us you LOST it?
:cross-eyed: :cross-eyed: :cross-eyed:
PixelFx
05-27-2003, 08:45 PM
lol
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